Episode No. 14
Where to listen:
What Inspired this Episode:
When I recorded this episode it was the start of 2024. Every new year it is good to think about the habits you want to have for who you want to be. This year was a lot different than my previous year doing my wellness journey and I wanted to share the habits I was doing, getting rid of and wanted to try. As a bonus content, I wanted to share which ones have made the biggest impact on me this year. Some may be similar to the ones mentioned in the podcast, but the habits I was doing were after practicing for long periods.
Questions I wanted to explore:
How to level up your life in 2024?
What are effective habits for personal growth?
Best self-improvement techniques for 2024
How to create a custom personal challenge?
Benefits of being of service to others
Tips for reframing negative experiences
How to practice gratitude daily?
What is a 50-day challenge?
How to balance inner work and external focus?
What are ways to turn struggles into strengths?
What are the best practices for mindful eating?
How to improve emotional intelligence?
What are tips for a successful digital detox?
How to develop a growth mindset?
What is self-care bingo?
How to set and achieve personal goals?
Effective stress management techniques
How to improve sleep hygiene?
What are the benefits of regular self-reflection?
How to create a personalized wellness plan?
What are tips for maintaining work-life balance?
How to overcome challenges in personal development?
What are the key components of a healthy lifestyle?
How to stay motivated during personal challenges?
Best practices for tracking personal growth
How to create a vision board for personal goals?
What are tips for practicing self-compassion?
How to develop new healthy habits?
What are effective ways to boost productivity?
How to improve relationships through personal growth?
How to incorporate mindfulness into daily routines?
What are the benefits of journaling for personal growth?
How to set boundaries for better mental health?
Tips for building resilience in challenging times
How to cultivate a positive mindset?
What are effective ways to practice self-reflection?
How to develop emotional intelligence skills?
Best practices for maintaining long-term habits
How to overcome imposter syndrome?
What are the key elements of a balanced lifestyle?
Episode Description:
Every 3rd Friday of the month, Lay takes a break to do a girl chat-type episode. This week is all about her ins and outs from things she's been doing to level up. Her "ins" are the habits she has been doing from the end of November to early December of 2023. Her "outs" are things she's decided to leave behind in the previous year. Also, she added another category which is wanna tries which is things she started recently or looked into to want to add to her life.
Follow my socials
Tik Tok- @Simplylayxx
YouTube- @SimplyLayxx
Instagram- @Simplylayxx
Twitter- @Simplylayxx
Pinterest- @Simplylayxx
Check out my blog post www.SimplyLay.com
Music by Remil - Evening Tea - https://thmatc.co/?l=DFECB5D4
Section | Timestamp | Notes |
Introduction | 00:00 | -Content updates
-Change in segments of a podcast episode
|
My Ins | 00:58 | -Content creation -Food/Nutrition (Time framed eating: eating 10 am to 6 pm) -DIY drink -Drinking water first thing in the morning -Morning workouts -Fitness Planning - Haircare and Bodycare -Product Layering -Reading as a hobby -12 week year system -Creating a content schedule -Using Notion |
My Outs | 20:02 | -Not intentionally living within my values -Drinking because I am over 21 -Suppressing my opinions -"What's the point" energy -Low standards / high expectations -Need outside validation -Allowing anyone access to me out of loneliness -Following all makeup/ beauty trends -Going on every platform |
Wanna Tries | 27:05 | -Spraying a mist in my hair -Home-cooked meal -Meditation |
What I'm grateful for | 29:44 | The time I have feels very free, the support |
Card Pull | 30:30 | -Self-care Oracle deck - Make a meal -Make a vision board -Rest |
BONUS CONTENT:
Top 12 things that elevated my life in 2024
We are about to enter the 9th month of 2024. Due to the context of this podcast episode, I thought it would be a great idea to share the top 12 things I did this year that really elevated my life in 2024. This year has been different than anything I’ve experienced in my lifetime and I would like to add that the positive part of my circumstances allowed this to be possible. I would also like to include a trigger warning: I will discuss things like eating habits (no calories or anything because I don't count them), but I will talk about things that have been helping my relationship with food. I have been seeing many people being affected by creators on platforms like TikTok so I just wanted to give a warning in case someone is sensitive to the topic but since my life at this point had a lot of focus on my health, being of service to others and my observing my thoughts and beliefs, I can't remove these things from my story.
1. Time framed Eating
Note: I don't necessarily want to say Intermittent fasting (IF) because that does have specific rules ( like any beverage that's not water or coffee or teas with no sugar or cream or milk- counts as breaking it) and I never followed that.
I am a person who often struggles with the all-or-nothing perspective. It is something I am continuously working on so I can be a more balanced person. In terms of food, in high school, I struggled with eating due to my environment and my insecurities over my appearance while in college, I had the opposite problem where I would eat even when I wasn't hungry as a way to cope or distract myself from the stress. I have been to both extremes, so this year I wanted to really observe my relationship with food, and to do that I had to meet myself where I was. I have a podcast episode that speaks about wanting to heal my relationship with my body and food, especially with the changes I was enduring with womanhood and it talks more in-depth about the realizations I had in my journey but something I needed to look at were the thing(s) that caused me to go to the other extreme: My time anxiety and the social aspect around food.
Time anxiety as a whole is my biggest issue. Since I was someone who needed control of their time and their daily structure, the way I ate was really affected. I had a 9 am-12 pm class and a 2 pm-5 pm class in one day to avoid having to go to school multiple days (Most semesters I was physically at school 2-3 days per week). As a result, I would wake up early so I could catch the train and bring food or buy food so I wouldn't need to eat throughout the day especially since in a lot of my classes eating wasn't allowed with the mask mandates. So I would typically eat a heavy meal from 6 am to 7:30 am and would go out to eat sometimes 12-1:30 pm (but a lot of times because I hated spending money on food since most places around me were beyond my daily budget and because I was anxious about needing to use public bathrooms, I was often selective about what I ate and opted for things that may have not been as nutritious but I had more confidence it wouldn't affect my stomach than other foods) and then I got home I wouldn't eat until 8 pm sometimes 9 pm (depending on how long I take in the shower- since I took public transportation, showering immediately when I came home was non-negotiable) and would need to sleep early if I had classes the next.
Because I was a perfectionist, a lot of my good habits went out the window whenever I was in college, and especially with having a majority of my semesters at home, I feel like never had time to properly learn time management.
Socialization is another aspect huge reason for my poor relationship with food because when it comes to quality time with friends food is one of the more agreeable activities to spend time with people whether it is platonic or romantic. In a group setting, I would feel mental pressure to eat as much as others even if I was full (especially if we were splitting the bill instead of paying for individual orders). I also had a boyfriend at the time and his way of supporting me was to make sure I would eat because since he was my friend first for years, he knew some of the ways I coped with stress and wanted to make sure I ate. Somewhere along the line our dates and quality time became very food-centered, sometimes one of us would cook but most times that wasn't the case. Every time he would bring me food I knew it would be out of an expression of love and the thing is with my personality it would feel wasteful or appear ungrateful to not have what he brought me. The other times I would ask for food and maybe I was craving it but on a psychological level, I think I was starting to associate it with being loved and feeling cared for. I think I did get addicted to the feelings I started to associate with food and loved that was how he showed he cared about me because I wanted to feel loved so deeply.
I know that these things probably won't make a lot of sense to many people and truthfully even when I journaled about it to come to these conclusions, it didn't make sense to me at first either. Anyways recognizing that pattern with all of these other things that contributed to my relationship with food made me realize the steps I needed to take.
In terms of eating, I started eating 10 am - 6 pm (However I would still have drinks like cappuccino or protein coffees before 10 am but essentially eat in an 8-hour window). It wasn't perfect. When I didn't have enough in a meal I would snack at night or in early mornings because I typically woke up at 4:30 am and had problems staying asleep. When I was in this structure for my eating I noticed things like how my activity level affected my hunger level, what hunger cues were like for me, what foods satisfied me the most, and if I felt nauseous at certain points of the day when eating, etc. I know a lot of times people say intuitive eating is the way to go but I couldn't learn to eat intuitively without having a structure for a while.
Everyone is different so I can't say this is a good method for everyone and truthfully it's hard to say there is one miracle approach. This elevated me because I was able to untangle some of the causes of my bad relationship with food that have more to do with the emotional/mental aspects. There are so many things that contribute to a person's relationship with food like upbringing, culture, what food represents to you, accessibility to food, etc. so I was very nervous to want to write about this because I know how easily this can lead to self-destructive paths, and I want to be responsible when sharing wellness.
2. Switching my eating and workout habits periodically
Consistency and showing up for yourself are really important when you are committed to having lifestyle changes as opposed to doing something temporarily. I am a person who gets bored fast so I can only do things periodically. Even though I am not a gym girl, I am observant of their content and something I was interested in is how they shift their eating habits from when they are trying to gain muscle (which they describe as bulking) and when they are in the process of losing the excess fat they gained ( which they call cutting). There is also body recomposition which is when a person is gaining muscles and losing fat at the same time. I liked learning about this because there are so many fitness goals outside of weight loss and learning about the ways people adjust was fascinating and made me consider maybe I should start figuring out my own system.
In the winter months, I was very experimental with my food. I started testing out ways for me to work with nature and eat less processed foods (there is nothing wrong if you need to buy frozen or canned vegetables but since I had the time and was eating more at home, it seemed like the perfect time to learn more about how to eat fresh produce). I learned a lot about fruits and which seasons are best for those fruits. I started to eat fruits like pomegranates and bananas and tried to test out vegetables I liked and how I would like to eat them. I am not a fan of cooked vegetables. I enjoy eating carrots, sweet peppers, and cucumbers. I occasionally like celery, cabbage, spinach, and lettuce. I also love anything with tomatoes, onions, and garlic. In the winter, I was also prioritizing protein through things like shakes and coffee.
In the spring, I wanted to have protein from more natural sources ( chicken, shrimp, and turkey but I occasionally had beef or pork) and I was more observant of my caffeine intake since my anxiety was higher than normal and I was feeling unrested most nights.
In the summer, I am highly focused on eating my favorite fruits, having more meals that have a cooling effect and are more lightweight in comparison to the foods I indulge in the fall and winter months and I am trying to lower my added sugar intake by switching from cappuccino to teas sweetened with honey ( I know this is still sugar but it's more natural and I enjoy the taste).
In terms of workouts:
Winter- Was experimenting, only worked out 3 days per week, mainly focused on strengthening training
Spring- Created a workout challenge, and still did strength training but I also prioritized daily movement, I was also really interested in improving my balance/flexibility
Summer- I have been busy with being of service so I've been mainly using my mini stepper and doing dance workouts, cardio-heavy, I also occasionally do more floor exercises because I've gotten used to standing workouts and I wanted to challenge myself.
My favorite season of working out was the spring and I do want to do something similar in the fall hopefully if my responsibilities change.
3. Prioritizing Reading
Reading has been life-changing for me. Whenever I feel like I am spending too much time scrolling or start to panic over my life, picking up a book is what grounds me. I also noticed when I try to zone out with TV shows or movies, it doesn't give me the same effect especially when I watch shows or movies with real people (cartoons and anime are excluded from this conversation). It is probably because I know they are real people and that is their job but then I get in my head projecting all the worries I have, which ruins the experience. If a book is good it takes me out of my head and if it is nonfiction, I usually feel more inspired and ready to look at options for myself.
So far I read 39 books and I am on my 40th book. Of the 39 books, 27 were physical books and 12 were audio books. I don't necessarily have a goal for the number of books but I was trying to challenge myself to double the amount of books I read in a month. Last year when I started reading fiction again, I read 3-4 books each month while being in college. I wanted to test if I could read more since I had a life with no homework. I have been attempting to read for 6-8 months, but very rarely have I met that goal a lot of times I am just happy to be reading more.
4. Working with myself to get 8 hours of sleep (split sleeping)
As mentioned sleep has been one of the hardest areas of my physical wellness to get under control. Even with having fewer energy crashes throughout the day and no longer needing naps, I wake up after 4 hours of sleeping and struggle to go back to sleep instantly.
I have tried things like increasing my magnesium, trying to get more light exposure during the day to reset my circadian rhythm, creating a bedtime routine, etc. There is probably a deeper cause for my irregular sleep cycle, but until I can afford the proper care to examine it, I have been trying to work with what I know.
I tracked my sleep for a while so most of the time I aim to sleep 6 pm-10 pm and then I fall back asleep anywhere between 12 am and 2 am to wake up from 4 am to 6 am. This is a short-term solution, but it is something that has been helping me get more sleep. I used to attempt to fall asleep 8 pm-10 pm and I just noticed I wouldn't get enough sleep no matter how much I tried.
5. Being very emotionally honest
This is more about how I don't hold things back anymore. Something I did a lot growing up is I would question a lot if my feelings were valid or if the person was going through things I would just put everything I felt on the back burner ( and then grew to resent them or would explode with all the things they did). Now if I care for someone to be in my life I try to be as honest and respectful as possible. However if they have shown to not respect how I feel or keep doing the same thing over and over, I am not afraid to let them go anymore. This elevates my life. For a long time, I would be so afraid to lose people because I hated to look for new people to be in my life. A person could be great for a few seasons of your life and you can be grateful for the good times and good memories, but if their actions in the present aren't respecting you, it is not a bad thing to stop fighting for the relationship to work out. You being honest about how you feel should be enough to be seen and you don't need to repeat yourself after you spent so much time thinking about the best way you can talk to them about it.
Outside of others, I am also very honest about my emotions to myself. One thing I realized it helps no one, especially yourself to pretend to never feel other emotions than the ones that are acceptable. I think as someone who is spiritual, it has been difficult to allow myself to be sad, angry, disappointed, etc. when I felt those things because I was afraid that it would attract bad things because my vibration would be lower. But once I reframed how I thought about that, I was able to make space for self-discovery and able to turn it into something I know.
Let's say I am sad and angry because someone keeps not showing up for the plans we made. For me to be sad means that person must have been someone I valued and all that shows is we had meaningful moments and I valued our connection. That sadness just highlights I am a caring person, I still care for someone else and that whatever we did have I felt gratitude enough over it to acknowledge when something has shifted. If I am angry about them not showing up, it is because I am passionate about not wasting people's time and that it is a form of respect. When someone or an experience evokes emotion, treat it as a road map to what you desire out of life and give yourself space to feel those emotions so you can move past them. Harboring, faking, and ignoring emotions only leads to self-destructive behavior.
6. Creating
There is no explanation other than the quote that "creativity is intelligence having fun". When I don't write or record a video or a podcast episode, those are the times I feel less like myself. I believe it is important for people to have outlets and mine just happens to be this.
7. Cooking what I’m craving
This is something I thought of a while back to help with my relationship with food and while I was starting my spiritual journey. I feel like the reason this is connected is because one thing that was causing me to overindulge in things that were not as nutritious was the fact getting food (especially unhealthy food) was more accessible and convenient than ever before. During the COVID era, when things were a little toned down and we could have people visit in small capacities, my past boyfriend would order food since it was more convenient so we could just focus on spending time together (but sometimes one of us would cook, but not always).
Convenience and receiving things instantly ( like the ability to just go on an app to have fast food delivered) is one of the reasons why I think humans are a lot less patient. You are probably wondering what this has to do with spirituality, when you are in the process of receiving your manifestation, if you can't be patient or have desperation surrounding it then you unintentionally block your blessing. So for me, this didn't just elevate me in the sense of my health but I feel like this is good practice for people spiritually as well to re-discover falling in love with a process.
I know this can be hard to do if you feel like you don't have the time to cook or that you don't have the energy, that is why it takes time to learn how to meal prep or ingredient prep and what days you would have more time to make sure you can support yourself this way.
Additionally one of the books I read this year about psychology was saying how it is important to learn how to cook for our mental health and it is one of the skills we can develop with instructions that would boost our confidence in adulthood. Cooking is an act of self-love and self-care.
8. Not feeling bad when I need a few days or weeks off
Especially at the beginning of this year, I felt really bad and really selfish for not doing the things I saw other 20-somethings doing. I felt guilty and like I was falling behind, but coming into the second half of this year I realized how fast things can change and if you do have a season when you are focused on yourself (especially if your health is off) then you shouldn't feel bad.
Taking time for yourself isn't something you should feel guilty about and usually, when you do it is because you are falling into a perfectionism mindset. You start comparing if you are working hard enough or trying hard enough to tolerate the necessary responsibilities. The reality is taking care of yourself is non-negotiable, if you keep going when you know you need a break, something will force that break to happen ( being denied things you want, your body shutting down, etc.) There are so many things that happen in our lives that are a way to force us to slow down and reflect if we keep ignoring ourselves.
9. Creating a system for Checking in with myself and my goals
This was one of the biggest game-changers for me to be more intentional and actually participate in my life. I think one of the easiest things we do is become so one-tracked-mind over things we decided at old seasons of our lives. Having a system to reflect on your goals and desires allows you to pause long enough to see if you still connect with the reasons why you are doing anything. It allows you to be more open to possibilities that you may have not ever considered and just makes it so much easier to see how I have grown.
There are different ways you can do this, you can decide to do it privately (like through journaling and designing your own check-ins or buying them from a wellness person) or publicly (starting a page dedicated to your goals - an Instagram, TikTok, blog, podcast, etc.).
10. Developing challenges for myself
This one is a big game changer because typically I figured out why doing one of the many challenges like 75 hard, 75 soft, 40 extremes, project 50, etc. doesn't work for me. Some people join those challenges because it feels like a sense of community even if it is you on an individual level doing it. Something that is popularized makes it feel like you are a part of something and I think for many people that provides a sense of feeling supported.
For me when I try those challenges it feels too impersonal. 75 soft for example the rules are as follows:
Personally, I don't drink so giving up alcohol isn't necessarily a challenge, reading was already my hobby so reading a certain amount of pages a day doesn't challenge me and whenever these challenges are created I feel like they lack 2 elements that I need to grow as a person: connection and creativity.
Connection is something I need to have as part of a challenge because I tend to isolate or feel afraid to reach out to people because I don't want to if I'm going through something (a sense of guilt happens and I try to handle my hard things, which means if I view my life as less than being alright, I just stay away from people). As for creativity, I always felt like it's attached to my sense of self. It is how I make sense of all the lessons I learned and just allows me to put things in perspective. As much as I love it, it is one of the first things to do when I have a goal like searching for my dream job or when I was in school.
Additionally, I knew what time frame worked better for me. 75 is too long but a month is too short - 50 days was actually the most ideal time frame for me to complete it without getting bored.
When I made my own challenge this year, it led me to grow in a way that felt truly fulfilling. Making your own challenges is easy when you can be honest about who you are and where you want to go. I highly recommend trying this at least once.
11. Being of service to others
In my most recent season, I got more involved in the world around me. I was being of service so since my days stopped revolving around myself and my healing (especially in the physical capacity). It shifted how I did movement throughout the week, how I ate, how I reached out to people, and overall honestly made me be able to feel all my feelings that I was intellectualizing instead. Being able to care for other people, also highlighted my blind spots and it was humbling, to say the least, but honest.
As I am writing this, that season is now over even though I am still hoping to do it in an immediate capacity because there is truth to feeling better when you help other people. I do think personal development is constantly leaning more towards inner work, but the reality is most of our lives are connected to being with other people, and knowing when you to develop internally vs externally and taking in the lesson during different focuses your life makes a huge difference.
12. Appreciating each season/ era
This is more of a continuation of the last point. Sometimes we think of seasons/ eras as a flop, fail, low time, etc. because we can only feel our low emotions over the lessons that we can take from them. I am going to take 2024 for example.
I could remember this year as:
Struggling to get a job
Officially ending it with my boyfriend of four years
The year I got heartbroken
A time of feeling lost and isolated
A time when I felt behind because I had to help my mom
or I could look at this year from a different perspective, 2024 can also be seen as:
The year I re-evaluated what I want
The time when I broke the cycle and learned to let go
The year I prioritized my health
The year I got to be there for someone I love and created a stronger bond
The year when I tried new things (volunteering and jewelry making)
The year I had the healthiest relationship with myself yet
The time I took a chance on myself
As I am writing this the year is not done. Things can still change and I believe it, but it is a choice to identify the year with the hard times/ bad situations or you can choose to identify how you grew from them.
Life works in cycles and maybe something might feel like a low point, but it can serve you when you least expect it.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I am hoping to finally get this up on September 1st after my break in July/August. I am trying to catch up on content creation and plan for the final quarter in 2024 since Q3 wasn't as detailed as Q2.
Ps- Make sure to visit the previous blog post for more lifestyle content! Also, Happy September 1st!
I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. Also if you like my content it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have the most inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your moods. I also keep a copy of my podcast episodes (which is also available on Spotify). I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired and I will have more content for you soon.
Until next time butterflies 🦋
Xoxo,
Lay 💋
Comments