Episode No. 15
Where to listen:
What Inspired this Episode:
This episode was inspired by personal challenges I faced, recognizing how easy it is to become discouraged when confronted with obstacles. The intent behind this content is to offer a fresh perspective on failures and setbacks, emphasizing that they do not define you or your potential. It serves as a powerful reminder that challenges are not roadblocks, but rather stepping stones on the path to success. It aims to resonate with listeners by acknowledging the universal experience of facing difficulties while providing practical strategies to overcome them.
The content is designed to inspire and motivate, encouraging listeners to keep pursuing their dreams despite temporary setbacks. By offering a blend of personal anecdotes, practical advice, and motivational insights, this episode strives to create a supportive community of individuals committed to personal growth and resilience.
Questions I wanted to explore:
How to start a comeback after a setback?
What is a comeback era checklist?
Tips for bouncing back from life challenges
How to overcome self-doubt and insecurity?
Strategies for personal growth after a difficult period
Ways to rebuild confidence after failure
Steps to create a positive mindset for personal transformation
How to reconnect with friends after isolation?
Techniques for improving faith in yourself
Best practices for self-improvement during tough times
How to turn setbacks into opportunities for growth?
Practical advice for starting over in life
Methods to stay motivated during personal challenges
How to create a comeback plan after experiencing failure?
Tips for rebuilding your life after a major setback?
What are effective strategies for emotional healing during a comeback?
How to maintain resilience when facing multiple life challenges?
Best practices for setting realistic goals during a personal comeback
Ways to cultivate a growth mindset after experiencing setbacks
How to leverage past experiences for future success in a comeback?
Techniques for managing stress and anxiety during personal transformation
Steps to rebuild self-esteem after a major life change
How to create a support system for your comeback journey?
Effective methods for tracking progress in your personal comeback
Tips for staying focused on long-term goals during a comeback era
How to rebuild your life after a toxic relationship?
What are the key steps to emotional recovery after a major life transition?
How to regain self-confidence after a career setback?
Best practices for self-care during a personal comeback
How to overcome fear and uncertainty when starting over?
Tips for setting boundaries during your comeback journey
How to find new purpose after a significant life change?
Strategies for maintaining motivation during a long-term comeback
How to deal with setbacks during your comeback era?
Episode Description:
The theme of the week is Productivity & Work Ethic. Do you ever get upset at yourself when things aren't going the way you imagine? Do you get frustrated with yourself and feel like things work because you weren't productive enough or were too lazy? Lay discusses how to overcome negative emotions surrounding failures and setbacks so you can persist in achieving your goals. The process involves three important steps: acknowledging the failure without entering a crisis mode, analyzing what went wrong, and reframing your goal.
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Music by Remil - Evening Tea - https://thmatc.co/?l=DFECB5D4
Section | Timestamp | Notes |
Introduction | 00:00 | -The theme of the week is productivity and work ethic -Hard time concentration/ overwhelmed -Hormonal issues |
What has been helping me | 01:48 | -Acknowledge failure without going into crisis mode -Understanding how childhood affects the way you view how you view failure and structure -Dissecting the Perfectionism, All or nothing mindset -Setbacks are speed bumps -Use the scientific method to view your life -Doing things long enough -Self-accountability - Reframing goals |
Card Pull | 22:20 | -Tarot Card deck - 6 of wands (Upright) |
What I'm grateful for | 24:04 | -Grateful for technology |
BONUS CONTENT: Come Back Era checklist
I saw a quote once that put everything into perspective:
The comeback is always stronger than the setback.
I adore this quote because when you are in a situation sometimes it’s easy to feel like that’s all there is. When you get into tough situations, you get wrapped in guilt, shame, or anxiety so much that you do not see how temporary it all is.
There are situations that ended years ago that when you were in them, you didn’t think it would. And there will be more but that is nothing to fear when you remember those are temporary too.
Sometimes I think we assign too much importance to things that is only a fragment in the mosaic picture that is our lives. My life since August 2023, I thought it was gray. Gray is often used in color psychology to represent a lack of clarity and confusion.
But somewhere along the line it wasn’t just gray, there was an ombre effect where the range grew and the moments had a metallic effect when I started to see my situation in a new light. From the darkest to the lightest shade possible, my life right now is a range of silvers. Silver is known to represent two things: femininity (because of its connection to the moon) and the future (because it’s linked to technology and innovation, symbolizing progress and a forward-thinking mindset). Everything that’s happening to me (whether I interpret it as good or bad or somewhere in between) is for the future to become my highest self. And with that said this is the list I curated to highlight the actions I’m taking to come out of this situation better than how I started.
1. Getting a therapist to help be more accountable with goals
While this option isn't accessible for everyone, the intent is to have someone you can emotionally decompress with and who can hold you accountable to your goals.
One thing I learned early this year is that creating a support ecosystem is necessary for me. As an idea person, it's easy for me to plan, research, brainstorm, and analyze, but I need support in taking action. When you struggle with overthinking, jumping into the action phase can be harder because you're always looking for signs of whether something is right.
It's crucial to have a space to decompress and gain another perspective. If a therapist isn't an option, consider seeking out a support group of like-minded and trustworthy people. The key is to find a safe space where you can openly discuss your ideas and challenges.
2. Curating content consumption to be beneficial to mindset
While the wellness community often advises against scrolling on social media, I've noticed that completely changing a habit (going cold turkey) can make it harder for people to commit. Some need a more gentle and gradual approach to change.
If you have a phone problem where you tend to scroll, try this: On social media sites like Instagram or TikTok, create motivational folders of content that either inspires you or helps you start your day positively. This can include quotes, people with habits you admire, or speakers who change your perspective.
If that doesn't help, consider limiting which social media sites you use and lock those apps until a specific time. For me, Pinterest is the safest site to look at in the morning. Couple this with a Spotify playlist of energizing songs and motivational lyrics to get you moving.
Set a time limit for scrolling and gradually decrease it until you feel you can manage the habit effectively.
3. Making a list of potential solutions
One of the best skills I developed in college as a creative was observing a problem and coming up with a list of potential solutions. The brainstorming process is one of the best parts of the comeback era when you don't limit yourself.
I wrote out my situation as if I was observing it from an outside perspective. Problem statements, used in the Design Thinking process, help you stay focused and make good decisions. A problem statement is a short description of a specific problem that needs to be solved. Key things I included were:
My age and gender (22, woman)
A defining element of myself (my introverted personality)
The actual problem (feeling unsatisfied with my life and feeling lost)
Context of what led up to the problem / why it is a problem
While I won't share exactly what I wrote, once I got down to the problem, there was a clear pattern of what I felt was holding me back:
Doubt / Insecurity
The need for adjustment for overall health management
Introvert tendencies
Social anxiety
Pride
With a clear pattern, I could focus on solutions for these aspects without limiting myself. Within problems, there are often layers, so brainstorm for those (no limit for 30 minutes to an hour). When you have the ideas down, think of the logistics:
How much will it cost (time/ money/ energy)
Is this something to do independently or something I need support in
What is appealing about the idea
Is there an alternative to the concept
What resources are available to fulfill the idea
Is this an idea for now (some ideas need building towards, and if so, what are micro steps you can do in the moment)
Try not to judge your ideas; they could be good to do, just not in the moment.
4. Getting educated on topics that are interconnected to the situation
I am a huge advocate for education. I hate that learning became such a disinterest because of the structure created and how post-graduation, people tend to stop seeking out new things to learn.
There are so many topics to explore that many of us don't get to or are very unconventional to learn about:
Intimacy (Emotional/Physical/Intellectual/Spiritual)
Emotional intelligence
Time management
Focus, Concentration and memory
Narcissism
Body Language
Empathy
Coping mechanisms for triggers
Shadow work
Communication
Hormones
Trauma
Morality
Perfectionism and control
Eating habits
Trust
Loyalty
Ethics
Prioritizing, Organizing, and Decluttering
Burnout
Financial wellbeing
Within my 12-week year plan for Year 4, I made sure to add weekly topics I want to take the time to educate myself on. I highly recommend it because it gives you a timeframe to work on things and keeps you in a habit of learning.
5. Reconnecting with friends and getting out of isolation
I wanted to add this especially because I've been seeing the trend of the winter arc, and I'd like to add another perspective. People often push others away to lock in, which is valid, but I feel like the right people won't be distractions. If someone in your life is creating stress on top of your interpersonal stress that you can't handle at the moment, it's okay to take a step back.
However, I also think it's a mistake to get hyper-focused on yourself to the point where you begin to fixate when you don't meet every goal perfectly. This is coming from an introvert: not all people feel the same. Sometimes it's not about recharging (as I don't personally feel recharged around people); sometimes it's about getting inspired so you can see a bigger picture as opposed to fixating on pieces. Only focusing on myself, even as a personal development enthusiast, led me to feel worse at times because it led to this hypervigilance. It was like I was a scientist constantly having myself under the microscope. Perfectionism became prevalent because I was always looking for proof I was changing and growing, and it wasn't until I was around others and made time for others that I could see how true that was.
6. Improving faith
Last Fall, there was a rise in the topic of "being delusional". It took me a year to finally understand why I struggle with that perspective. It's the same reason why I struggle when people tell me to "just have faith". Both ideas rely on the concept of having trust without any proof or evidence.
That's when I realized that while there's a positive side to being curious and analytical, the more shadow version of those traits is overthinking and constantly trying to find reasoning. One thing people tend to do when they are in a situation and are overthinkers is self-blaming. Some things you ask yourself are:
Was it my fault?
Could I have done something to prevent this?
Did I deserve what is happening?
Why can't I be more like ____?
What's wrong with me?
Why do I always mess things up?
Why am I not good enough?
Self-blaming happens when you need a reason why things didn't turn out how you wanted them to. This is a good time to mention there's a difference between holding yourself accountable and putting the weight of the world on your shoulders to find the reasons.
Faith is about trust, and if you struggle with needing proof, evidence, and logic to pursue a new path, make it a mission to adopt the mindset that not all evidence is what we see or is necessarily tangible. Ask yourself: if you require evidence, are you trying to convince other people or yourself? And if that evidence is for yourself, when did you learn that you need it to know when things are right or wrong for you?
When I came to this realization, I decided this is a required aspect of the comeback because hard decisions are going to be made. Deciding to stop talking to people that you thought would be in your life forever, deciding to stop engaging with stressors even if you may love them but deciding you love being the healthiest version of yourself, deciding to let go of the future that you thought would happen and just overall trusting whatever steps you decide to take is for the better even when it hurts and you feel guilt and maybe some anger.
Faith doesn't have to be religious if you don't want it to be, because faith is trust in the things you can't imagine, faith is trust without needing something tangible to know it to be true, and if you have big dreams for yourself that should be enough reasoning to take steps without needing to anticipate the outcome.
Bouncing Forward
As we conclude this journey through the comeback era checklist, it's important to remember that every setback, no matter how challenging, is an opportunity for an incredible comeback. Whether you're navigating the end of a long-term relationship, facing career uncertainties, or making the difficult decision to distance yourself from family, know that these experiences are not failures—they're catalysts for transformation.
Your comeback era is not just about bouncing back; it's about bouncing forward. It's about taking all the lessons, strength, and wisdom you've gained through your challenges and using them to create a life that's even more authentic and fulfilling than before. This is your time to redefine success on your own terms, to shed the expectations that no longer serve you, and to embrace the person you're becoming.
Remember, some of the most inspiring success stories come from people who faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Your current situation is not your final destination—it's a launching pad for something greater. Every step you take, no matter how small, is moving you forward. Celebrate these steps, because they're the building blocks of your new life.
As you embark on this exciting journey of rediscovery and growth, stay open to new possibilities. The path ahead may not be clear yet, but that's part of the adventure. Trust in your ability to adapt, learn, and thrive. Your resilience is your superpower, and it will guide you to opportunities you may have never imagined before.
So, embrace your comeback era with open arms. Let it ignite a fire within you to pursue your dreams with renewed passion and determination. This is your time to shine, to surprise yourself with your own strength, and to create a life that fills you with pride and joy. The world is waiting to see the incredible person you're becoming. Your comeback story starts now—make it extraordinary!
I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. Also if you like my content it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have the most inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your moods. I also keep a copy of my podcast episodes (which is also available on Spotify). I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired and I will have more content for you soon.
Until next time butterflies 🦋
Xoxo,
Lay 💋
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