111 symbolizes a New beginning. It was unintentional that I would be publishing this post on January 11th (1/11 or 111), but it feels right to talk about this now. In order to have something new in your life, you have to make space for it. Yes, this concept is in regards to physical space but it doubles as a lesson for spirituality too.
Letting go and releasing has always been the hardest part of my personal growth journey. It wasn’t that I never understood why it’s important, I just struggled with actually practicing the idea.
Here are some of my characteristics and experiences that made it difficult
Being overly sentimental about the past- holding on to things/ people longer than I should because of what it meant to me in the past and using that as an excuse to keep things in the present
Holding on to things/ people because I felt obligated to care for them out of expectations
Uncertainty and fear of the unknown
If any of this sounds like you keep reading because I am ready to share some things that allowed me to get started in the process.
You already practiced it
One thought I had was “ If I had let myself go countless times, it should be easier to do it for things outside of me”. I’m not referring to the negative sense when people are talking about when someone stops caring for themselves, but the fact there has been so much version of myself that I have said goodbye to.
Some elements of my past self still live on in me, maybe it expanded in later years but other parts have disintegrated. One thing I never agreed with is the extreme point of when people take the perspective that they need to eliminate all aspects of their old selves. I don’t see it as necessary because even if I enter a new reality, I can’t forget the elements that carried me there. However, letting go of the aspects of the parts that stopped being necessary in my life is reasonable. When you have let go of versions of yourself, there were still parts of you that you cherished, that set your current self into motion and the parts you had to leave behind, you can thank yourself for the way it added to your perception of the world.
So when you start to carry that perception to the external world, it makes the prospect of attempting to let go a lot less frightening. Think about how many different roles you've played in relationships - the childhood best friend, the college friend, the work colleague, the romantic partner. Each role served its purpose in your journey, teaching valuable lessons and contributing to your growth. Some of these connections may have naturally drifted apart, while others transformed into something different but equally meaningful. Just as we learn to embrace the evolution of our own identity, we can extend this understanding to our relationships with others. When we accept that change is inevitable, we can approach transitions with grace and gratitude rather than resistance.
People come into your life, Jobs that you thought you wanted weren’t what you pictured, connections change, and all this to say nothing stays the same but if you can venture into releasing yourself, releasing things that haven’t always been in your world should feel like less of risk in comparison.
This doesn't mean we should casually discard relationships or treat connections as disposable. Instead, it's about understanding that just as we give ourselves permission to grow and change, we must extend that same freedom to our relationships. Sometimes letting go means creating space for new connections while honoring the impact of past ones.
Understanding Guilt and Grief
If you are anything like me, letting go brings up uncomfortable feelings and the one most commonly experienced is guilt and grief.
In 2024, I went on an emotional roller coaster. Although my break up with my long-term boyfriend was in 2023, in 2024 we were in this gray limbo place until things took a sharp turn in June. From there, there was so much confusion, anger, anxiety, disappointment, etc. and I won’t get into the full story because I already said everything I needed to about it in the podcast episode “24 Lessons to carry into the new year”.But I wanted to talk about the feelings that I felt the most in the situation which were guilt and grief.
I know that since we were already over in 2023, I should’ve left it alone going into 2024, but for 4 years he has been a big part of my life. The places we went together, the experiences we had together, the way we would talk almost every single day and the way talking to him (when the problem wasn’t about us) just made me feel at ease. For years, he was my person, and as someone who always wanted that type of bond with someone... letting him go was hard.
I have something to admit- Eternal Sunshine was the album that was holding me together after everything. On my best days, I was listening to Bye (and good graces by Sabrina Carpenter). But on my worst days, I was playing “I wish I hated you”.
The lines in the chorus perfectly captured what I was feeling
But no matter how I try to (Mm)
And no matter how I want to (Mm)
And no matter how easy things could be if I did
And no matter how guilty I still feel saying it
I wish I hated you
I wish that weren't true
Wish there was worse to you
I wish you were worse to me
Yeah, I wish I hated you
The chorus perfectly represents the feeling of when you are with someone, but since they weren’t the worst you’ve experienced; cutting him out felt impossible. It’s even worse when it is the person who got you through the worst, your rock bottom. It’s the feeling that they didn’t give up on you back then and so you don’t want to give up on them either. But then when you aren’t being treated the way you need to either to feel like you’re in it together then - that’s how the gray area is formed.
I tried to give time but it wasn’t working. So when he did something to make me think he was ready to try again, I had a lot of hope and then was extremely disappointed and hurt. So I spent so much time grieving in 2024 because it hit me it was actually over and I had to move on for my health. He was the person I thought I would eventually marry, but somewhere along the line, I stopped feeling like there was an us.
I felt like he didn’t see me as a partner and if that was the feeling I was getting before we even had a chance to try at us when I’m closing a chapter… I had to realize that vision of the future just wasn’t going to happen.
The problem was that vision lived in my thoughts and heart for so long that it was so much crying and processing I had to go through and I gave it one last shot to have a moment of clarity but when I realized I wasn’t going to get that, I had to decide to let go without any closure.
While I know letting go is not all about romantic relationships, even outside of it I feel like it is a common pain. In terms of work, when you want to quit from the job that took a chance on you or in terms of a family member that did kind things for you in the past- guilt and grief are such common emotions, and learning how to work with them instead of allowing them to consume you can make such a difference in this letting go process.
“Let them” theory and why Practicing Detachment is for your greater good
The "let them" theory is something that was highly talked about in December 2024 because it came out on the 24th. Many people were in their New Year's mindsets so when this book came out, I guess it gave people the motivation to just focus on their actions and behaviors. I will note that I have been seeing controversy surrounding the book, so I haven’t read it but I have been watching reviews.
"The Let Them" (2024) is centered around the idea of releasing control over other people's actions, thoughts, and behaviors. The core principle is simple yet powerful: let people be who they are. This means accepting that you cannot change others, control their choices, or force them to see things your way.
The theory emphasizes several key points:
Stop trying to manage other people's perceptions, feelings, and reactions
Focus your energy on what you can control - your own actions and responses
Accept that others have the right to make their own choices, even if you disagree
Release the need to explain yourself or justify your decisions to others
Truthfully, it reminded me of the Law of Detachment. I’ve been looking into it since October since I knew once my birthday came I wanted to have a whole new mindset and approach to life and my relationships. Here is what I researched:
Accepting that you cannot control outcomes while remaining committed to your goals
Understanding that attachment to specific outcomes creates anxiety and fear
Embracing uncertainty as a path to freedom and growth
Finding peace in the present moment rather than fixating on future results
Comparison with "Let Them" Theory:
Let Them Theory | Both | Law of Detachment |
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When we integrate both the Law of Detachment and "Let Them" principles into our lives, we experience a significant reduction in anxiety and stress about outcomes. This combination fosters healthier relationships with clearer boundaries, leading to a greater sense of personal peace. Most importantly, it allows us to form more authentic connections with others while maintaining our focus on personal growth rather than trying to control external circumstances. By releasing our grip on controlling others and outcomes, we create space for genuine transformation.
More ways to prep for your new beginnings
To wrap up this post here is my to-do list for 1/11 through 1/13 since the full moon will be in cancer that day. If you are interested in what to focus on use whole signs to see which area of life to focus on. For example, as a cancer rising, I am focusing on myself and releasing my old identity in favor of a new identity that will set my intentions in motion:
[ ] Meditate on what aspects of your identity you're ready to transform
[ ] Write your 11 intentions 11 times
[ ] Light a white or blue candle for new beginnings
[ ] Write a letter to your future self about your intentions for this new chapter
[ ] Organize your calendar for the upcoming lunar cycle
[ ] Deep clean your living space
[ ] Create a cozy space for emotional reflection
[ ] Plan one concrete action step for each major goal
House-Specific Release Guide for New Beginnings
Here's what to focus on releasing based on where Cancer falls in your birth chart:
1st House (Cancer Rising)
Release: Old self-image, outdated personality traits, and physical insecurities
Focus on: Embracing your authentic self and new ways of presenting yourself to the world
2nd House (Gemini Risings)
Release: Limiting beliefs about money and self-worth
Focus on: Unhealthy attachments to material possessions and financial fears
3rd House (Taurus Risings)
Release: Ineffective communication patterns and old learning habits
Focus on: Outdated thought processes and negative self-talk
4th House (Aries Risings)
Release: Family trauma and emotional baggage from the past
Focus on: Unhealthy home dynamics and childhood conditioning
5th House (Pisces Risings)
Release: Creative blocks and fear of self-expression
Focus on: Past romantic patterns and barriers to joy
6th House (Aquarius Rising)
Release: Unhealthy daily routines and work-related stress
Focus on: Poor health habits and perfectionist tendencies
7th House (Capricorn Rising)
Release: Codependent relationship patterns and partnership fears
Focus on: Unhealthy relationship dynamics and dependency issues
8th House (Sagittarius Rising)
Release: Deep-seated fears and emotional power struggles
Focus on: Resistance to transformation and shared resource issues
9th House (Scorpio Rising)
Release: Limiting beliefs about your capabilities and future
Focus on: Old philosophical views that no longer serve you
10th House (Libra Risings)
Release: Career-related fears and outdated professional goals
Focus on: Limiting beliefs about your public image and success
11th House (Virgo Rising)
Release: Toxic friendships and group dynamics
Focus on: Outdated future visions and community obligations
12th House (Leo rising)
Release: Hidden fears and self-sabotaging patterns
Focus on: Subconscious blocks and spiritual limitations
Remember to be gentle with yourself during this release process. Each house represents different growth areas, and it's okay to take your time working through these releases.
Overall I believe it is a time to be less action-oriented and more reflective. This weekend is about allowing yourself to unload emotionally, so you can prepare for your new beginnings. Honestly, the things that are most likely coming to a close are the things that started around cancer season (so the end of June) and you can emotionally release blockages relating to the area of life you have cancer ruling over in your chart for you (which I provided above).
I know I haven’t done these diary-like entries in a while but I wanted to get back to my creation roots so hopefully, I will be able to post more things like this and keep a schedule between this and my show notes post (which is all self-improvement advice and ideas.
I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. Also if you like my content it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have the most inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your moods. I also keep a copy of my podcast episodes (which is also available on Spotify). I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired and I will have more content for you soon.
Until next time butterflies 🦋
Xoxo,
Lay 💋
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