Episode No. 32
Where to listen:
Self-Love and Relationships: A Complete Guide to Building Healthy Foundations
I've noticed something frustrating about how we discuss love and relationships online. There's this constant stream of aesthetic-focused content about self-love that's all about bubble baths, face masks, and buying yourself flowers. Similarly, relationship content has become more about social media-worthy dates and couple photos than the real work required to maintain healthy connections.
What's rarely discussed is what this page highlights - that the same foundational elements like trust, understanding, and compassion are crucial whether we're talking about loving ourselves or others. We need to focus less on the superficial aspects and more on developing genuine trust in our judgment, being patient with our growth, and maintaining honest internal dialogues.
The irony is that while we readily acknowledge these foundations as essential for healthy relationships with others, we often fail to practice them with ourselves. But here's the thing - how can we truly offer trust, understanding, and respect to others if we haven't first learned to extend these same courtesies to ourselves? Building these foundations internally doesn't just improve our self-relationship - it creates a blueprint for how we approach all our connections.
Self-trust plays a key role in both our romantic relationships and our broader sense of faith. For a deeper exploration of this topic, be sure to listen to that episode first using one of the links above and then come back for more on the foundations of healthy love for both your external connections and to connect better with yourself.
1. Trust
Trust manifests differently in our relationships with others versus ourselves. In external relationships, trust means believing in someone's words and actions, relying on their consistency and integrity. With self-trust, it's about developing an internal confidence that guides us through life's uncertainties:
Believing in your own judgment and decisions, even when faced with doubt
Honoring your intuition rather than constantly seeking external validation
Following through on commitments you make to yourself with the same dedication you show others
Trusting your ability to handle life's challenges, knowing that you've successfully navigated difficult situations before
2. Understanding
While trust forms the bedrock of any relationship, understanding serves as the compass that guides us through both external connections and our internal landscape. With others, it means practicing empathy, accepting differences, and being patient with their journey. When it comes to self-understanding, it requires a deeper internal awareness:
Taking time to reflect on your emotions and needs without dismissing them
Accepting your strengths and weaknesses without harsh self-judgment
Recognizing your triggers and patterns to better navigate life's challenges
Being patient with your growth process, just as you would be with a loved one
3. Compassion
While showing compassion to others often comes naturally, extending that same kindness to ourselves can be a unique challenge. External compassion involves empathizing with others' struggles, offering support during hardships, and showing understanding during conflicts, self-compassion requires a unique internal approach:
Treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a close friend during difficult times
Forgiving yourself for mistakes without harsh self-judgment or prolonged guilt
Maintaining gentle, supportive self-talk rather than critical internal dialogue
Embracing your humanity by accepting that everyone, including yourself, is imperfect and growing
4. Open Communication
Open communication stands as a critical pillar in any healthy relationship, yet many overlook its importance in their relationship with themselves. In external relationships, we value honest dialogue, active listening, and clear expression of thoughts and feelings. However, being openly communicative with ourselves is equally crucial and often more challenging. Many people become comfortable with self-deception, telling themselves stories that justify harmful behaviors or unhealthy patterns. This internal dishonesty not only damages our relationship with ourselves but inevitably spills over into our connections with others. When we establish a practice of open internal communication, we lay the groundwork for genuine honesty - both with ourselves and others, which we'll explore more deeply in the next section. This internal dialogue requires:
Practicing mindful self-reflection through daily check-ins with your thoughts and feelings
Acknowledging uncomfortable truths without making excuses or rationalizing
Expressing yourself authentically through creative outlets like writing or meditation
Setting clear intentions and staying accountable to your personal values and goals
5. Honesty
Honesty, building upon open communication, requires us to face both external and internal truths. While external honesty focuses on truthful interactions with others, internal honesty challenges us to confront our own self-deceptions and rationalizations. This deeper level of truthfulness demands that we examine our thoughts, behaviors, and patterns with unflinching clarity, even when it's uncomfortable:
Recognize and accept your emotions honestly, without minimizing or ignoring them
Assess your strengths and weaknesses objectively, without inflating or diminishing them
Seek support when needed, practicing the same openness you value in others
Address personal challenges and growth areas directly, rather than avoiding self-examination
6. Respect
Respect is fundamental to healthy love - both in how we treat ourselves and others. While we often think of respect as something we give to others through courtesy and consideration of their boundaries, self-respect shapes how we value ourselves and, in turn, influences the respect we receive from others. This interconnected dynamic of respect creates the foundation for balanced, healthy relationships. While external respect involves honoring boundaries, showing consideration, and valuing others' perspectives, self-respect requires an internal commitment to your own worth. Here's how self-respect manifests:
Creating and enforcing personal boundaries without guilt
Making decisions that align with your core values
Prioritizing self-care as essential, not optional
Advocating for your needs with confidence and clarity
Building Stronger Connections Through Self-Practice
The foundations we've explored - trust, understanding, compassion, open communication, honesty, and respect - aren't just theoretical concepts. They're practical tools that, when developed internally, naturally extend to enhance all our relationships. Think of it like learning a new language: once you master it with yourself, you can communicate more effectively with everyone around you. When we consistently practice these principles in our relationship with ourselves, we develop a deeper emotional intelligence and stronger interpersonal skills that benefit our connections with family, friends, and romantic partners.
If you enjoy exploring these topics about unconventional wellness and self-development, check out "A Little Atypical" podcast. We dive deep into underrepresented lifestyle topics that most influencers shy away from or can't relate to. From unconventional perspectives on relationships to alternative approaches to personal growth, we're dedicated to having real conversations about the aspects of life that aren't typically discussed in mainstream wellness spaces.
Also if you like my content it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have the most inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your moods. I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired and I will have more content for you soon.
Until next time butterflies 🦋
Xoxo,
Lay 💋
What Inspired this Episode:
Recently, I found myself in a deeply reflective state during my slow living journey. After graduating, I followed what seemed like the "right" path - getting any job that would give me stability, regardless of whether it aligned with my true interests or values. Like many recent graduates, I was so focused on ticking the boxes of success that I neglected to question if this path was right for me.
The inevitable burnout that followed forced me to pause and reevaluate everything. During this period of introspection, I realized something crucial: my struggle wasn't just about career choices - it was about a fundamental lack of self-trust. I began questioning whether my trust issues, which I had previously only associated with relationships with others, actually stemmed from a deeper disconnect with myself.
While working on my micro-series about intentional living, it became clear that I couldn't authentically discuss living with purpose without addressing the role of self-trust. I was in this constant state of panic, not because I didn't have the capabilities to create my dream life, but because I didn't trust myself to follow through. I had been so conditioned to seek external validation and "safe" choices that I had lost touch with my internal compass.
This realization inspired me to dive deeper into the concept of self-trust - not just as a personal exploration, but as a crucial foundation for intentional living. I wanted to share these insights with others who might be struggling with similar challenges, especially those in their post-graduation journey who feel pressured to have it all figured out immediately.
Questions/ Topic I wanted to explore:
What are the key foundations of healthy relationships and self-love?
How does self-trust impact our ability to build meaningful relationships?
What's the connection between intentional living and self-trust?
How to recognize signs of self-distrust in your life?
What's the difference between seeking feedback and needing constant reassurance?
How can you build authentic self-trust?
Why do traditional self-love practices often fall short?
What role does internal communication play in personal growth?
How to practice self-compassion without toxic positivity?
What's the relationship between self-respect and setting boundaries?
How does developing self-trust improve relationships with others?
What are practical ways to build healthy relationship foundations?
How can self-compassion help overcome perfectionism?
What's the connection between self-trust and decision-making confidence?
How do childhood experiences shape our relationship with self-trust?
What role does self-awareness play in building healthy relationships?
How can we maintain authenticity while adapting to relationship dynamics?
What are effective ways to rebuild trust after it's been broken?
How does cultural background influence our approach to self-love?
What's the balance between independence and interdependence in relationships?
Episode Description:
In this episode, we are discussing self-trust. By definition, it is about having faith in yourself and the decisions you make regardless of the outcome. Surprisingly, this is an important aspect of self-love and intentional living, but a lesser spoken-about aspect in the wellness community. We are covering what it is, how it relates to self-love, signs that you may distrust yourself, and how it influences your journey to intentional living.
Note: This episode was pre-recorded in June. I thought these would come out in July / August but with a lot of changes happening, I had to push it back until this month. I wanted to continue the series but since then new episodes have been recorded making this the closing to the intentional living series.
Follow my socials
Tik Tok- @Simplylayxx
YouTube- @SimplyLayxx
Instagram- @Simplylayxx
Twitter- @Simplylayxx
Pinterest- @Simplylayxx
Check out my blog post www.SimplyLay.com
Music by Remil - Evening Tea - https://thmatc.co/?l=DFECB5D4
Section | Timestamp | Notes |
Introduction: What is Self Trust? | 00:00 | -The ability to trust yourself in all circumstances -Foundation of healthy love: Trust, Understanding, Compassion, Open communication, honesty, and respect -The same concept applies to self-love -We won't know if something is better for us until we experience it -Self Trust is the foundation of self-love |
Signs of Self Distrust | 07:30 | -Always needing reassurance
-Craving External Validation/ Lacking the ability to assure yourself
-Procrastinating in decision making
-Being quick to believe the negative opinions/feedback over the positive stuff
-Feels strong regret over things that did not happen
-Abandoning yourself in favor of other people
-Fears of sharing your likes and interests
-Very cautious of how you are viewed / Putting on an act
-
|
Feedback vs Assurance | 17:29 | -This section mentions the difference between feedback vs assurance because when it comes to self-trust wanting feedback is different than not being self-assured/ self-trusting |
Why Self-trust Matters to Intentional Living | 19:25 | -Purpose and value -Self-trust needs to come before action -Design process example -Trust is needed for choices |
Card Pull | 23:57 | -Moonology Deck -New Moon in Pisces: "Meditate and Contemplate" - Full Moon in Gemini: "The Answers You Need Are Coming" |
What I'm grateful for | 28:56 | -My mom's surgery went well |
Comments