Nov 915 min read

Tips for identifying and managing mental spiraling

Episode No. 18

Where to listen:

What Inspired this Episode:

When I recorded this episode it was after a long period of struggling. I went into the New Year (January 2024) with a disciplined approach, but how I went about it left me burnt out. I was terrified because all I heard from people is you only need 6 months for your life to change. On my 4th month (since I started this idea in November 2023), I was struggling to see my life going forward. So I was spiraling and in a consistently low mood. Once I got out of it, I wanted to share tips for anyone who are also prone to get into this headspace of struggling to trust your timing. Once you are done, scroll further down for bonus content addressing how to create peace in your life.

Questions I wanted to explore:

"What are effective techniques for managing trauma responses?"
"Ways to practice metacognition for better mental health"
"How to deal with information overload and maintain inner peace?"
"Techniques for cognitive reframing to improve mental well-being"
"How to stop feeling the need to prove yourself to others?"
"Practical steps to create inner peace in a chaotic world"
"What is the connection between trauma responses and mental spirals?"
"How to use metacognition to break negative thought patterns?"
"Strategies for maintaining calm during life's challenges"
"What are the signs of information overload and how to combat it?"
"How to build resilience against mental spirals?"
"Effective ways to practice self-acceptance and inner peace"
"Can cognitive reframing help with anxiety and stress?"
"How to balance staying informed without being overwhelmed?"
"What are the benefits of letting go of the need to prove yourself?"
"How does creating inner peace impact relationships and social interactions?"
"Techniques for processing information effectively in the digital age"
"What role does self-awareness play in maintaining inner peace?"
"How to cultivate inner peace while pursuing personal goals and ambitions?"
"How to break free from mental spirals?"

Episode Description:

This episode focuses on identifying and managing mental spiraling. It discusses the various reasons why people may spiral, including excessive stress, major life changes, personal relationship challenges, financial pressures, health issues, and struggles with mental health disorders. Lay shares personal experiences of struggling with expression and feeling like they are not moving forward. They offer insights into their thought process and discuss how certain signs, such as limited communication or constant fatigue, can indicate a downward spiral. Finally, the episode provides strategies for managing a downward spiral, such as accepting the situation, taking care of physical health, seeking professional help, and grounding oneself.

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Music by Remil - Evening Tea - https://thmatc.co/?l=DFECB5D4

Section	Timestamp	Notes
Introduction / Why I want to talk about this	00:00	-My experience with my recent mental spiral -Reason why people may have a mental spiral -Health and career pressure; post-graduation journey -Creative blocks and spiraling -Glow up factor- theory -Design Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans -The Hierarchy of needs (A subject as a former marketing student) -What if our approach to our needs is different than how they designed the pyramid?
How can you tell	10:34	-Being in a transitional phase -Not being able to process information correctly -Limited communication -Easily irritable/ low mood -Sleep problems -lack of interest -neglecting self-care -Participating in negative self-talk
Managing a downward spiral	15:03	-Accept where you are at -Eliminate what you can -Take care of your physical health -Seek professional health or do mindfulness techniques
Card Pull	20:45	-Kim Krans The Wild Unknown Pocket Animal Spirit Deck -Tarantula
What I'm grateful for	24:50	-My mom

BONUS CONTENT:

How to create inner peace

Growing up, I constantly said “chaotic” was my natural state. Looking back from a more mature perspective, even though I said so in a joking matter, I never believed peace was possible for me. It was always one thing happening after the other whether it was boy drama, friendship drama or responsibilities, bullying, rumors, home life, future pressures, etc. I thought it was normal to feel like chaos was the default. In adulthood, a lesson I learned the hard way is:

Peace has to be created.

In this blog, I’ll share four game-changers that have helped me understand the concept of peace and how to create peace in my life.

Learning topics that helped understand emotional states

Since not everyone has the luxury of learning in school or maybe the teaching style doesn’t resonate, I’m a huge advocate for self-education. The willingness to accept that you don’t know everything and there are so many ideas, topics, and resources out there for us to find something that resonates deeply with us.

I am interested in things like personality, behavior, habits, moods, emotions, etc. (aka the social sciences) and have taken a few classes that focused on this, but I also gravitate towards books with a scientific background when it comes to self-help and/ or spirituality. The are so many topics that I am still learning and I have a list of topics I can't wait to talk about, but for now, I am sharing 3 subjects that helped me specifically with emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is about being conscious of your emotional state to have the ability to respond to your emotions healthily.

Thought Bias

I spoke about this briefly in my bonus content for Episode 7 (Ways We Self Sabotage). I shared examples of bias/ errors that occur specifically fear-based thinking. I initially learned about it from the “Twenty Something Treatment” by Dr.Meg Jay and recently got reminded of those from Dr. Julie Smith in “Why has nobody told me this before?”.

Thought bias is an interesting topic because once you understand how much people’s thoughts, behavior, and attitudes are riddled with thought bias, you can regulate your emotions to stop taking everything so personally. In addition, it allows you to increase awareness of your thought bias to reframe your thinking. This can give you the ability to look at occurrences more objectively and balance the emotions they create with logic and facts.

Examples of thought bias

• Confirmation Bias: Tendency to seek out information that supports our existing beliefs.

• Actor-observer bias: Attributing our own actions to external factors, but others' actions to their personality.

• The Halo effect: Letting one positive trait influence our overall impression of a person.

• Affinity bias: Preferring people who are similar to us.

• Sunk Cost effect: Continuing with something because we've already invested time or resources, even if it's not beneficial.

• Priming Bias: Being influenced by a recent stimulus when making decisions.

• Implicit bias: Unconscious attitudes or stereotypes that affect our understanding and actions.

• Attentional Bias: Focusing on certain aspects while ignoring others, often related to our emotional state.

• False consensus effect: Overestimating how much others agree with our beliefs and behaviors.

• Blind spot bias: Recognizing biases in others but not in ourselves.

• Base rate fallacy: Ignoring general information in favor of specific, but possibly irrelevant, details.

• Projection bias: Assuming others think and feel the same way we do.

• Recency illusion: Believing a word or phrase is new when it has actually been in use for a long time.

• Curse of knowledge: Difficulty explaining something to others because we assume they have the same background knowledge as us.

Sources:

Trauma responses

I remember learning about this in my emotions in society class. It was a pivotal moment for me because as an integrative wellness minor, of course, I took courses like stress management and meditation. However, sometimes, in terms of my mission to have the best understanding of health, I could tell something was missing.

I never did much research into trauma because I was used to downplaying my experiences. After all, trauma felt like an extreme, worst-case scenario, something that is life or death.

Psychological trauma is an emotional response to a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes their sense of self and their ability to feel a full range of emotions and experiences.

It's important to distinguish between two types of trauma:

Primary trauma: This is trauma experienced directly by an individual, such as being in an accident, experiencing abuse, or witnessing a violent event.
Secondary trauma: Also known as vicarious trauma, this occurs when someone is indirectly exposed to trauma through hearing about or seeing the effects of traumatic events on others. This can affect professionals like therapists, first responders, or even individuals who consume a lot of traumatic news content.

I wanted to acknowledge secondary trauma because something I found interesting about trauma is how it used to be more of a limited experience until the advancement of technology. Now that we have the definitions down, I can introduce you to the four trauma responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

Fight Response

The Fight response is characterized by confrontational or aggressive behavior when faced with a perceived threat or stressful situation. The Fight response is deeply rooted in our primitive survival instincts. It's the body's way of preparing to confront and overcome a threat directly, which was crucial for survival in dangerous environments throughout human evolution.

In modern contexts, the Fight response might manifest as:

Arguing or debating intensely when feeling challenged
Becoming physically aggressive in stressful situations
Responding with anger or irritation to minor inconveniences
Standing up against injustice or confronting wrongdoing

Characteristics of people who usually respond to traumatic/stressful events this way:

People who have a strong sense of justice: They may be quick to confront perceived wrongs, as their instinct to fight aligns with their desire to correct injustices.
People who have been taught to be assertive: They might have learned that standing up for oneself is important, leading to a more confrontational approach in stressful situations.
People who have experienced past situations where fighting back was necessary: Their experiences may have reinforced the fight response as an effective survival strategy.
People who have difficulty regulating emotions: They might struggle to control anger or frustration, leading to a more reactive fight response.

Flight Response

The Flight response involves avoiding, escaping, or retreating from a perceived threat or stressful situation. The Flight response is an evolutionary adaptation that allowed our ancestors to quickly escape from dangerous situations. It prepares the body for rapid movement and heightened awareness to facilitate a swift getaway.

In contemporary settings, the Flight response might manifest as:

Avoiding confrontations or difficult conversations
Procrastinating on challenging tasks
Physically leaving stressful environments (e.g., quitting a job abruptly)
Excessive busyness to avoid dealing with emotional issues

Characteristics of people who usually respond to traumatic/stressful events this way:

People who are highly sensitive: They may be more attuned to potential threats and choose to avoid them to protect their emotional well-being.
People with anxiety disorders: Their heightened state of worry may predispose them to seek escape from stressful situations.
People who have experienced trauma where escape was the best option: Past experiences may have reinforced flight as an effective coping mechanism.
People who value peace and harmony: They might prefer to avoid conflict, leading to a tendency to retreat from stressful situations.

Freeze Response

The Freeze response involves becoming immobilized or "stuck" when faced with a perceived threat or stressful situation. The Freeze response is an evolutionary strategy that helped our ancestors avoid detection by predators. By becoming still and quiet, they could potentially escape notice and danger.

In today's world, the Freeze response might manifest as:

Feeling paralyzed when asked to make important decisions
Experiencing "brain fog" during stressful situations
Dissociating or "zoning out" when overwhelmed
Procrastinating due to feeling overwhelmed by tasks

Characteristics of people who usually respond to traumatic/stressful events this way:

People who have experienced trauma where they felt powerless: The freeze response might have been their only perceived option in past situations.
People with a history of chronic stress: Prolonged stress can lead to a tendency to shut down in the face of new stressors.
People who are introverted or highly introspective: They might naturally tend to turn inward when stressed, leading to a freeze-like state.
People with certain mental health conditions: Conditions like depression or PTSD can increase the likelihood of experiencing freeze responses.

Fawn Response

The Fawn response involves trying to please or appease others to avoid conflict or maintain safety in a stressful situation.

While not as primitive as the other responses, the Fawn response evolved as a social survival strategy. It helped individuals navigate complex social hierarchies and avoid conflict with more powerful members of a group.

In contemporary contexts, the Fawn response might manifest as:

Constantly agreeing with others to avoid conflict
Putting others' needs before one's own consistently
Difficulty saying "no" or setting boundaries
Excessive apologizing, even when not at fault

Characteristics of people who usually respond to traumatic/stressful events this way:

People who have experienced abuse or neglect: They might have learned that appeasing others is the safest way to navigate relationships.
People with low self-esteem: They may prioritize others' approval over their own needs as a way to feel valued.
People who are highly empathetic: Their natural inclination to understand and help others might lead to excessive people-pleasing behaviors.
People raised in environments where their needs were often overlooked: They might have learned to focus on others' needs as a survival strategy.

Sources:

Metacognition

Metacognition is the latest topic I've introduced into my self-study journey. While I understand the basic definition - thinking about one's own thinking processes - I'm still exploring the nuances, advantages, and potential drawbacks of metacognitive practices. The sources below offer deeper insights into this complex cognitive skill, its applications in learning and problem-solving, and its impact on psychological well-being. As I continue to delve into this subject, I aim to grasp how metacognition can be effectively applied to enhance my own learning and decision-making processes.

Sources:

As a 23-year-old woman navigating the complexities of adulthood, understanding Thought Bias, Trauma Responses, and Metacognition has been crucial in my journey toward inner peace. These concepts have helped me make sense of my own thought patterns and reactions, especially in stressful situations. Recognizing my biases allows me to challenge negative self-talk while understanding trauma responses helps me be kinder to myself when I react in ways I don't always understand. Metacognition, though still new to me, is teaching me to step back and observe my thoughts, giving me a sense of control over my mental state. Together, these tools are like a mental toolkit, helping me navigate my inner world with more clarity and compassion, gradually building that sense of peace I've always craved but never thought possible for someone like me who used to thrive in chaos.

Finding a method to defuse Negative thoughts (cognitive reframing)

Cognitive reframing is a powerful tool I've discovered in my journey towards inner peace. When negative thoughts pop up (and trust me, they still do regardless of how long you’ve been doing personal development), instead of letting them take over, I've learned to pause and look at them from a different angle.

It's not about suppressing negative thoughts or pretending everything is perfect. It's about finding a more balanced, realistic way of looking at situations. It doesn't make problems disappear, but it helps me approach them with a clearer, calmer mind.

These are the steps I do:

Step 1: Write down the problem

Step 2: Write down the top emotions it evokes and why

Step 3: Rewrite it to show the flip side of what that emotion teaches you

Step 4: Based on the flipside of emotion create potential solutions to the problem and try to focus on solutions that don’t require so much outside influence and make sure it highlights your actions.

Understanding the difference between authentically learning vs Information overload

One morning I was with my mom watching her favorite program on Sunday morning. We have a running gag where if the message seems to be for the other person we say “ Listen up this is for you”. Last week was my day to say it to her because it was all about being cautious about the information you digest. My mom is someone who watches the news frequently times a day, keeps the citizenship app alerts on, and someone who is constantly on high guard.

I’m not saying that is a bad thing because having awareness of what is going on is a form of personal responsibility, but sometimes we are given more information than we are able to process. Earlier in this post, I mentioned secondary trauma and that was actually a building block to this point. Before I went into a niche major, my degree focused on advertising, marketing, and communications. In one of my communication courses, My professor focused on the evolution of the way we communicated with each other. He mentioned methods of earlier periods but really highlighted from the printing press era and forward. How people got updates days later back then as Technology advanced (like the adaption of radio and television). The Internet was a big change too but along with the later adaptions of social media and smartphones, we were able to increase communication to seconds (well depending on the person- they may just take days or weeks to answer too.)

While there are benefits to having rapid ways of communication:

Profitable for businesses
Provide updates around your immediate environment like your neighborhood
Gives us a variety of entertainment
Accessible educational materials
changes our work structure so people can have alternate options outside of working in traditional spaces
Expands our worldview by giving us access to people who are from different geographical locations to help us unlearn bias and stereotypes
The ability to find or create a community

The other side of this is, how much would all of this matter if we are not properly processing information? The ability to process information effectively is crucial for authentic learning and personal growth, which in turn contributes to more peaceful interactions. When we truly absorb and understand information, we're better equipped to engage in meaningful discussions, make informed decisions, and develop empathy for different perspectives.

However, in our current digital age, we're faced with an overwhelming amount of information. The constant influx of data, coupled with the challenge of discerning what's real (especially with advancements in AI), can lead to information overload. This overload often results in superficial processing rather than deep understanding.

As a consequence, we may find ourselves:

Talking over others instead of actively listening
Reinforcing our existing biases rather than challenging them
Reacting emotionally to headlines without fully understanding the context
Sharing information without verifying its accuracy

This creates more noise than clarity, both externally in our interactions and internally in our minds. The constant barrage of partially processed information can lead to anxiety, stress, and a feeling of being overwhelmed – all of which disrupt our inner peace.

Information overload doesn’t mean you ignore what is going on but give yourself a time capacity so you can take in the information and give it the proper thought before hoping one thing to the next.

Letting go of trying to prove myself

Letting go of the need to prove yourself is a powerful step towards inner peace. There are very specific lessons in this topic that were subtopics to this overall idea.

1. Needing people to hear your side of the story: When you stop feeling compelled to explain yourself to everyone, you free yourself from the burden of others' opinions. When I was in high school because there were so many rumors about me, I always felt very defensive about the things people said about me. Even though I didn’t have it in me to actually say my side, I would always say things like “___ doesn’t even know the full story. If ___ did he wouldn’t be spreading rumors like that because he doesn’t know anything.” So never the details or the story, but alluding to there was a whole other side and honestly it created this victim complex mindset in me. I would be upset over my reputation from people who didn’t even talk to me and once I matured, I realized that I do not need to prove my character to anyone. I know who I am, what I do, what I believe in, how I feel and no one will ever know me like I know me. In the words of Ariana, “ Me and my truth sit in silence”. This promotes peace by allowing you to be confident in your own decisions and actions without seeking external validation

2. Arguing with others about your beliefs: By refraining from engaging in arguments about your beliefs, you create space for mutual respect and understanding. This fosters peace by reducing conflict and allowing you to coexist harmoniously with those who may hold different views.

3. Over-explaining: When you stop over-explaining, you demonstrate trust in others' ability to understand and respect their time. This promotes peace by reducing anxiety about being misunderstood and allowing for more concise, meaningful communication.

By letting go of these behaviors, you're essentially saying, "I am comfortable with who I am, and I don't need to justify my existence or choices to others." This self-acceptance and confidence are key components of inner peace. You're no longer expending energy on defending yourself or seeking approval, which allows you to focus on personal growth and enjoying life's moments.

Outside of internal peace, this shift in mindset often leads to improved relationships. When you're not constantly trying to prove yourself, you become a better listener and more open to others' perspectives. This creates a more peaceful environment in your interactions and relationships.

The Paradox of Peace: Finding Stillness in Life's Turbulence

A misconception about people who have peaceful lives is that they don't have hardships. Peace has nothing to do with how frequent hardships appear in their lives. There are very few people who don't experience any form of hardship. Hardships come in all different forms from unemployment, bullying, and harassment, to being in an unsuitable living environment, neglect and/or abuse from people who are supposed to love and protect us, etc. Unless someone has the combination of being extremely wealthy, from an emotionally healthy and loving family, never compared to family members, being completely sheltered from the world, has no diseases or disabilities of any kind, never having to look for a job, having warm, trustworthy, loyal, and healthy friendships and romantic relationships - I don't believe it is possible to experience no forms of problems.

Peace is what we create. Peace is when we can be in hardships and still find a place within ourselves that remains calm and centered. It's about developing the ability to face life's challenges with resilience and a balanced perspective. By actively working on creating inner peace, you're essentially building a mental toolkit that can help you navigate and eventually break free from mental spirals, leading to a more balanced and resilient state of mind.

I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. Also if you like my content it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have the most inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your moods. I also keep a copy of my podcast episodes (which is also available on Spotify). I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired and I will have more content for you soon.