Episode No. 16
Where to listen:
What Inspired this Episode:
This episode was inspired by my post-graduate journey. Upon doing some reflection, I realized that something that was supposed to feel like an achievement just didn't. After further research, I learned the term for this which is the "arrival fallacy". The arrival fallacy is a psychological concept that describes the mistaken belief that achieving a certain goal or reaching a specific destination will bring lasting happiness and fulfillment. This fallacy is closely related to the "What's next?" mentality discussed in the podcast episode. The bonus content below focuses on ways to recognize the importance of finding joy and satisfaction in the present moment, rather than constantly chasing future accomplishments.
Questions I wanted to explore:
How to stop worrying about the future and live in the present?
What are effective techniques for mindfulness and staying present?
How to overcome the "What's next?" mentality?
What is the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method and how does it work?
How can I have less rushed mornings and reduce stress?
What is characteristic naming in mindfulness practice?
How to balance future goals with present moment awareness?
What is the arrival fallacy and how to overcome it?
Best meditation techniques for beginners to stay present
How to create a non-rushed morning routine for better mental health?
Practical tips for living in the now and improving mental wellbeing
What are the benefits of mindfulness and present moment awareness?
How to stop overthinking and focus on the present moment?
What are some daily habits to cultivate mindfulness?
How to deal with anxiety about future uncertainties?
What is characteristic naming and how does it help with mindfulness?
Tips for staying present during stressful situations
How to balance ambition with present moment awareness?
What are the long-term benefits of practicing mindfulness?
How to incorporate mindfulness into a busy schedule?
Episode Description:
The theme of the week is Celebration. In this podcast episode, we explore the importance of self-love and recognizing personal growth. We begin with an introspective look at our journey and the aspects we are proud of. We delve into the reasons why we constantly worry about what's next, examining the influences from our society and giving practical advice on ways to be more mindful and present to appreciate your accomplishments.
Stay tuned and please read the highlights to get a more direct version of what I am explaining.
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Music by Remil - Evening Tea - https://thmatc.co/?l=DFECB5D4
Section | Timestamp | Notes |
Introduction | 00:00 | -Theme of the week: Celebrations/milestones -Constantly looking for the next thing ruins mental health - Celebrating wins is part of self-love - Being present with your growth -Negative feelings around feeling proud of self and unlearning it |
Busy doesn’t mean productive | 03:56 | -Often people mistake being busy for being productive -What separates the two is the alignment with your values |
Fears we have that stop us from being present | 06:04 | -The fear of being perceived -The fear of not knowing what comes next -Pressure from others -Unclear paths and stress; what it's like taking the unconventional path -Fear of acknowledging growth would stump growth |
The need for tangible signs of success | 13:03 | -"Tangible" signs of success are often status symbols -However, there are different ways success can be measured |
Tips for being more present | 15:08 | -People with anxiety tend to look towards the future |
Card Pull | 18:59 | -Spirit Animal Deck -Kim Krans |
What I'm grateful for | 21:06 | -Spending time with mom shopping |
BONUS CONTENT:
Learn to live in the now
The podcast episode centers on how always wondering "What's next" ruins your mental health. I wanted to continue the conversation by sharing a poem (Puzzled) I wrote for my poetry writing course and the techniques that can help people who are always worried about their next achievement be present.
Puzzled
by Alayjah Jordan
Is it possible to fail
Before even starting
The attempts to begin
Consume me till I’m rotting
Yet I still have nothing
Is it possible to create
When your heart and brain
Has no connection
To go through days
Without being present
Physically I am here
But my soul is watching
My life pass by
But I still say nothing
Faltering like Jenga
Torn down piece by piece
It is only a matter of time
Until tumbling and a swift collapse
Nothing heard beyond the crash
Anxiety swallows my voice
The mirror takes my pride
Darkness spills through my eyes
And all I want to hear It will be fine
What will you do
Once you graduate
Do you have a job
Or was it all a waste
The words I want to say
Are a monochromatic puzzle
In millions of pieces
How am I supposed to compose myself
When I don’t know where I fit
What if I’m a manufactured mistake
And having nowhere is my fate
If all the pieces are put together
And I’m just an outlier embodying stressor
Am I a disappointment?
Am I a nuance?
All I can do is smile Take a breath in
And pray the pressure reduces
In my final year of college, I chose to take poetry writing to complete my English Writing minor. A lot of my poems shared a similar theme of anxiety, being uncertain, being overwhelmed, nostalgia, etc. From the age of 20, I was highly self-aware I was at a crossroads in my life and those feelings pledged me constantly to the point it was unhealthy.
Because of everything going on internally, I would be a lot more irritable and distant from people. This caused strains in relationships and undermined my own path. This year was a lesson in the making because when you don't slow down, life will force you to pause, one way or another.
I want to share some of the things that helped me the most to be present.
"Free all Feelings" Journaling
When I started to journal, I will admit I tried to keep everything positive. When I was first starting out, that’s all I heard, so I tried to keep everything positive. Now I journal for multiple reasons and I have one specifically for my growth. In that journal is everything from theories on astrology, content planning, and of course, crash out sessions. I realized my journal is my space and just because most people keep it light and love doesn’t mean I have to.
Saying everything I feel exactly how I feel it allows me to process it, keeps me from saying things I would regret, and allows me to read back what I’m going through so I can be open to other perspectives and still end up with positive feelings afterward. The nights I try to control how I talk about a situation, are the nights my brain wonders about the past or future. Feeling emotions lets me observe everything in the now so nostalgia doesn’t make me self-destruct, or anxiety doesn’t keep me up trying to control things.
Free all feelings journaling helps you be present by allowing you to fully acknowledge and process your current emotions without judgment. By writing down your thoughts and feelings exactly as they come, you create a space where you can confront your present reality head-on. This practice prevents you from suppressing emotions or projecting them into the future, which often leads to anxiety. Instead, it encourages you to sit with your feelings in the moment, helping you to understand them better and respond to them more effectively. This increased emotional awareness anchors you firmly in the present, reducing the tendency to dwell on past regrets or future worries. As a result, you become more attuned to your current experiences and better equipped to engage with the world around you in a mindful, present-focused way.
Meditation and Mindfulness activities
Meditation is widely recognized as a powerful practice for cultivating presence and mindfulness. By focusing attention on the present moment, often through concentration on breath, bodily sensations, or a specific object, meditation helps quiet the constant chatter of the mind. This practice reduces anxiety about the future and rumination about the past, allowing practitioners to fully engage with their current experience. Regular meditation has been shown to increase awareness, reduce stress, and improve overall well-being by training the mind to stay anchored in the present.
Here are a few way things you can do to be more mindful:
Mindful Breathing
Mindful breathing is a simple yet powerful technique to bring your attention to the present moment. By focusing on your breath, you anchor yourself to the here and now, reducing anxiety about the future or rumination about the past. Here's how to practice:
Find a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down
Close your eyes or soften your gaze
Take a few deep breaths to settle yourself
Begin to notice your natural breathing pattern without trying to change it
Focus on the sensation of breath entering and leaving your body
When your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breath
This practice can be done for just a few minutes or extended to longer sessions. Regular practice can significantly improve your ability to stay present throughout the day.
Body Scan Meditation
Body scan meditation is an excellent way to connect with your physical sensations and bring awareness to the present moment. It involves systematically focusing on different parts of your body, and noticing any sensations without judgment. Here's a basic guide:
Lie down or sit comfortably
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths
Begin at your toes, focusing your attention on any sensations you feel
Slowly move your attention up through your body, part by part
Notice any areas of tension, relaxation, or neutrality
If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to the body part you're focusing on
This practice not only helps you stay present but also increases body awareness and can help with relaxation and stress reduction.
Mindful Walking
Mindful walking is a practice that combines gentle walking with focused attention. It's an excellent way to be present, especially for those who find it challenging to sit still. Here's how to practice:
Choose a quiet place to walk, either indoors or outdoors
Begin walking at a natural, relaxed pace
Pay attention to the sensation of your feet touching the ground
Notice the movement of your legs, arms, and body as you walk
Observe your surroundings, taking in sights, sounds, and smells
When your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to the act of walking
This practice can be done for a few minutes or extended to longer periods. It's a great way to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine, especially during activities like walking to work or taking a lunch break.
My experience with meditation was when I took it for my integrative wellness minor in college. After taking the course, I figured out which types of meditation I liked to use. For the days I feel that I am in a very low energy mood I think the best meditation for that is walking meditation because trying to sit still when you are in a very low energy vibration, it leaves you feeling extremely fatigued and unable to concentrate no matter what you do so adding that move it kind of raises your vibration, You’re more focused on your energy and on top of that it helps you with getting movement into the day which is also a huge contradiction to people's health.
The second meditation I really enjoyed doing was candle meditation. I enjoyed candle meditation because when I would concentrate on the candle I would see the lights changing sometimes from orange to red seeing which way the candle sways and how it grows and shrinks and sometimes I can even make out images with it as if I was looking at a cloud. I really enjoy candle meditation for when I want to connect spiritually. There’s something that draws me to the candle like a moth to a flame and I find that metaphor to be very beautiful.
I am still working on creating a consistent meditation routine but most mornings to start my day, I practice breathing exercises or I use guided meditations. My favorite ones are from Great Meditation on YouTube.
Having more non-rushed mornings
One of the reasons why my cortisol levels were extremely high was because I would constantly rush in the mornings due to time anxiety. It’s been a privilege to be able to have more non-rushed mornings and I already have my routine down. Since I am on my career journey, I know a non-negotiable is having either a remote position (I am used to these the most) or a hybrid situation. The constant travel is not good for my health. I am a person who can’t stand being late so that type of pressure I put on myself, so I am trying to ensure I can have a more balanced schedule.
Here are some things you can do to ensure you have non-rush mornings, even when you have to leave your house:
Choose your outfit the night before
Plan your week so you know how to schedule more activities for your health and self-care
Ingredient prep or meal prep for the week
Pack your bag the night before
Prepare a "grab and go" station for essentials like keys, wallet, phone, headphones, protection, etc.
Have one thing to look forward to in the morning (it could be a certain food, drink, or an activity)
Wake up 1-2 hours before you have to leave the house ( this varies depending on \your pacing in the morning. I can't do everything quickly so the more time the better but again if you prepare the night before, 1 hour should be enough time)
If you can, have a sit-down breakfast before you leave the house instead of breakfast on the go
Have a playlist for the morning time
Set multiple alarms with 5-10 minute intervals to avoid oversleeping
Practice a quick morning stretching routine to energize your body
Prepare a "grab and go" station for essentials like keys, wallet, and phone
Use a smart home device to automate tasks like turning on lights or starting the coffee maker
Limit screen time in the morning to avoid getting distracted by social media or emails
These are just some ideas but the key is to make it realistic for your circumstances. Even as a personal development lover, I can recognize constraints vary from person to person. These are just a few ideas but the key idea is to remove some of the decision-making process in the morning and set things out so you don't do things as impulsively.
By not rushing in the mornings, you create space to be fully present and mindful of your surroundings and actions. This allows you to start your day with a calm, focused mindset, setting a positive tone for the hours ahead.
Characteristic naming
The Characteristic Naming exercise is a powerful mindfulness technique that helps ground you in the present moment by engaging your senses and focusing your attention on your immediate surroundings. Here's how it works:
Choose an object in your environment.
Observe the object closely and try to name as many characteristics or descriptors as possible.
Consider aspects such as color, shape, size, texture, material, and any other notable features.
Once you've exhausted the descriptors for one object, move on to another.
For example, if you're looking at a book:
Color: Blue cover with gold lettering
Size: Approximately 9 inches tall, 6 inches wide
Texture: Smooth hardcover, slightly raised embossing on the title
Material: Paper pages, cloth-bound cover
Other features: Bookmark ribbon, deckled page edges
This exercise helps you be present by:
Redirecting your focus from internal thoughts to external stimuli
Engaging multiple senses, which anchors you to the present moment
Encouraging detailed observation, which requires concentration and presence
Interrupting cycles of overthinking or anxiety by occupying your mind with immediate, tangible details
By practicing Characteristic Naming regularly, you can train your brain to shift more easily into a state of mindfulness, making it a valuable tool for managing stress and staying present in your daily life.
The 5-4-3-2-1
The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Method is a mindfulness technique designed to help individuals quickly reconnect with their present surroundings, particularly useful during moments of anxiety or stress. Here's how it works:
Identify 5 things you can see around you
Acknowledge 4 things you can touch or feel
Recognize 3 things you can hear
Notice 2 things you can smell
Name 1 thing you can taste
This method differs from the Characteristic Naming exercise in several ways:
It engages all five senses, whereas Characteristic Naming focuses primarily on visual aspects
The 5-4-3-2-1 method has a structured, countdown format, making it easier to remember and practice
It encourages a broader awareness of your environment, not just focusing on a single object
The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Method helps you be more present by:
Quickly shifting your focus from internal thoughts to external stimuli
Engaging multiple senses simultaneously, anchors you firmly in the present moment
Providing a structured approach that can be easily remembered and implemented in various situations
Interrupting anxiety or stress cycles by redirecting attention to immediate, tangible experiences
By practicing this method regularly, you can develop a habit of quickly grounding yourself in the present, making it an effective tool for managing stress and maintaining mindfulness in your daily life.
Breaking Free from the 'What's Next' Trap
Living in the present moment is a powerful way to improve mental health and overall well-being. By implementing techniques such as meditation, mindful walking, and grounding exercises, we can train our minds to focus on the here and now rather than constantly worrying about future achievements.
The poem "Puzzled" illustrates the struggle many face when caught between the present and the future. Even with it being personal to me, I felt uncertainty is one of the most common experiences we have in our 20s. However, by practicing presence, we can overcome this disconnect and find peace in our current experiences.
Being present is a skill that can be developed over time with patience and practice. When we do this, we open ourselves to a richer, more fulfilling life experience, free from the constant pressure of "What's next?".
I hope you enjoyed this post and found it interesting. Also if you like my content it would mean the world to me if you would also subscribe to my YouTube channel, my Pinterest, and my TikTok account. On YouTube, I have the most inspirational content from Lifestyle Design posts to Digital "open when..." letters to boost your moods. I also keep a copy of my podcast episodes (which is also available on Spotify). I decided that I am honoring what feels right to me and continuously working on building the life of my dreams and helping others do the same. Don’t forget to share this if you feel inspired and I will have more content for you soon.
Until next time butterflies 🦋
Xoxo,
Lay 💋
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